This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
