about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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