I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
