I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize