i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
