At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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