Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
