So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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