She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
