It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
