it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
