So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
