I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
His nipple licking is glorious
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