I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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