We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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