I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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