and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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