sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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