so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
