Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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