Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
