Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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