apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
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Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
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I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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