P.S. I can't hear my feet
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
