if you like me you must not know who I am
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
