White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
