k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
