Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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