Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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