11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
