I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i love accidental penises.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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