Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
