We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
