as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
