At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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