I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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