Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
