I don't think brook has ever known best
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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