he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
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So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
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Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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