explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
