Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
