she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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