Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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