May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
