I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i think i just lost a toe
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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