When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need a beard to bite.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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