thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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