Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
