Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How does one acquire holy water?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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