I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
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She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
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Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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