why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
