i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
