Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
