i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
