...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
