so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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