Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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