yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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