I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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