Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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