i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
