Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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