the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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