Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
