Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.