Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.