dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
