This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.