My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You ruined the universe
Randomize