when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
