what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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