Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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