Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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