So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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