3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
