Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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