I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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