All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
