I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
