how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
