Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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