What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
