just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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