I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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