i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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