We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
