i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
